Encounter with the Royal Thai Police

I have a good friend who is a retired Royal Thai Police Colonel.  A very good man and a great friend.

A few months ago, I asked him about helping me get a Thai Drivers License because, as a law-abiding type American, I thought it was the thing to do.  (All right.  Yeah.  I also didn’t want to get into trouble for NOT having one).  He asked me if I had an international drivers license, which I do.  He then said, “That meets all the requirements of Thai insurance so why to do you want a Thai Drivers License?”  Again, I responded, I thought it was the right thing to do.

He then gave me what I thought was odd advice.  “If you are stopped by the Thai Police, DO NOT SPEAK THAI to them!” (for those who don’t know, I speak Thai well enough to sometimes fool people on the phone into thinking I’m a Thai who spent a long time studying overseas).  My friend went on to explain that if I don’t speak Thai to them, they won’t know what to do and will just let me go.

Yesterday, I had a chance to test this theory.

I was not on my best game and on the way to work I looked up and saw that the light in the intersection I was driving through was red.  Luckily, I didn’t hit anyone but there was an alert member of the local constabulary standing there waiting for me.  He waved for me to pull over.

OK, I thought, “Here we go.”

I rolled down the window and he looked confused when he saw I was a “Farang” (Thai for “Gringo”).  He then asked: “You speak Thai?”

I smiled and answered, “No.”

Then he pulled out his wallet and started digging through it, looking for something.  I finally figured out he wanted my drivers license (and eventually showed me his) so I got out my “International Drivers Document” which is in the form of a small booklet, not quite as fancy as a passport (but almost), and I gave it to him.

He looked at it, paging through and examining each page with a look on his face something like a dog watching TV.

He called his partner, obviously the senior, over to help.  Now is where my Thai language skills came in because I got to listen to their conversation while trying to keep a straight face:

What’s this?  (referring to the International Drivers License)

It’s an International Drivers License.

What do we do now?

Ask him for 100 Baht.  (i.e. a bribe of about $3.20)

We can’t do that!  He’s a Farang!

So what do we do?

Tell him he’s not allowed to go through a red light.  (this is the corporal telling the lieutenant).

So now the guy’s is looking off into space trying to figure out how, with his limited English vocabulary, to admonish me not to run red lights anymore.  Finally he uses two fingers to point at his eyes and says:

You see red you no go.

And I say:

OK.  I am very sorry.

Then he makes a gesture to let me know I am free to go.

I felt a little guilty and would have been happy to give them the 100 baht because I really did run the red light and they probably would have used the money for their kids’ lunch money or something else better than the government would have done with it.  The problem was I couldn’t figure out a way to give them 100 baht without letting on I understood what they said.  If they knew I lied about speaking Thai, then they might  actually get mad!

Next time I see Police at that intersection, I think I will just stop and give them 100 baht and explain that I feel guilty about lying to them (about speaking Thai) just to see what happens.

Because nobody in Thailand feels guilty about lying to the Police.

I’m guessing it will totally freak them out, somebody giving them money because they feel guilty.

Stand by.

cma