Pretty Dumb Monkey

While browsing an online discussion forum some years back, I noticed a thread entitled “Surviving a Nuclear Attack” and just for kicks, I opened the thread to see how to do the impossible.  The first post didn’t say much but left a link to some survivalist website which actually had some hints on how to survive a nuclear attack.  Those “hints” are not important to the story but rather the first reply is.

In the first reply, the poster writes, “That’s ridiculous!  They taught us everything we need to know in 1951.” This poster  left a link which took me to a video, a copy of a 1950’s era civil defense training film.  Those of us who are old enough can remember being taught to “duck and cover” in case of a nuclear attack.

As I clicked on the link, my six-year-old son, Erik walked in and sat on my lap so we watched the short film together.

The film begins with a character called “Bert the Turtle”.  Bert is a handsome looking turtle wearing a civil defense helmet.  Bert is approached by a monkey holding a stick.  Dangling from a piece of string on the end of the stick is a piece of dynamite, fuse burning, and looking for all the world like it’s about to explode.  On seeing the dynamite, Bert the Turtle dives for the ground and hides in his shell for protection.

The dynamite explodes, the monkey disappears in the blast, and Bert is just fine, having done the “duck and cover” maneuver just in time….

Then the film moves on to scenes of real kids in real schools and on “real” streets being taught to dive under their desks or behind brick walls and so forth.  I remember thinking how convenient it was that there always seemed to be a brick wall handy whenever some “enemy” was about to drop an atomic bomb.

Here’s the film, if you’d like to watch it:

After watching the film, Erik asked me, “Daddy, what’s an atomic bomb?”  I replied that it was a very, very powerful kind of bomb that is not a very good weapon because, while it can certainly kill your enemies, it can also kill you.

Confused, he asked, “Why can’t you just throw the bomb far enough that it won’t hurt you?

I replied that you might be able to “throw” it far enough to avoid the blast and explosion but this kind of bomb also makes something called “radiation” which is similar to what makes our food hot in the microwave oven.  Even if you can avoid the blast, the radiation could still get you.  It could make you sick or make you die, no matter where you are on the planet.

Erik thought for a few seconds and then said simply, “Pretty dumb monkey.”

Yeah, son.  My thoughts exactly.