Caravan Speech for President Trump

23 October 2018

Dear President Trump,

While I know I’m not your official speech writer, I submit the following, regarding the “caravan” approaching our Southern border, for your consideration.

Wait until the caravan is less than 24 hours from our border (to limit the time available to supporters of the caravan to prepare for reaching the border), call a press conference, and deliver the following speech:

This is a message for the hopeful immigrants, criminals, terrorists, and others in the so-called “caravan” approaching the US Border in Texas.

 The United States is a nation of laws and we will not be ruled by a mob, any mob, especially your mob.

We know who you are, and we know what you are.  You cannot even imagine how much we know about you.

I am delivering this message to you as a courtesy because I am concerned for your safety, and the safety of the innocent women and children in your mob, but you should understand that I will NEVER be more concerned for your safety than I am for the safety of American Citizens and the security of our sovereign nation.  

I want you to know that I have deployed the 1st Brigade of the 82nd Airborne Division to meet you at the border.  This Brigade of America’s finest soldiers is augmented by Chemical Warfare Units of III Corps which is based at Fort Hood, Texas.  These units are armed with the largest stockpile of CS Agent – otherwise known as tear gas – ever known to be deployed in peacetime.  I have asked the Governor of Texas to have units of the 49th Armored Division of the Texas National Guard, especially Medical and Military Police units, to stand by in case they are needed.

And I have ordered our troops to employ this non-lethal weapon against you and anyone who attempts to cross our border with your so-called “caravan.”  If you are able to continue across our border in a white cloud of intense tear gas, you will be very easy to arrest and deport.  There is nothing for you to gain by crossing our border except a lot of tears and potential serious injury.

And a trip back to your home country in handcuffs.

Do not delude yourself into thinking that because we are employing non-lethal weapons, that your misadventure is not dangerous.  While our initial intent is to thwart your attempt to invade our country by non-lethal means, the shells and other devices that deliver the tear gas have the potential to harm you or even kill you.  

Further, I have given orders that, should any deadly weapons be used by members of your mob, your “caravan” is to be treated as an armed invasion of the United States of America.

Our armed forces will react accordingly.  

Count on it.

Just because we are bringing non-lethal tear gas does not mean we are leaving our lethal weapons at home.

Keep that in mind.

No matter what, you will not be permitted to force your way into the United States.

Though only some of you are armed, all of you – including innocent women and children – will be in grave danger if you attempt to cross our border using any form of deadly force.

In the name of Humanity, DO NOT DO THIS.  Do not endanger innocents for this misadventure.

It will not end well for you.

We have information that there are members of your mob intending to request asylum in the United States.  The United States takes all bona fide requests for asylum seriously.  

If you halt your march peacefully, completely disarm, and place yourselves under the administration of the Mexican authorities IN MEXICO, I will send a team of Consular Officers to begin the process of receiving and considering all bona fide requests for asylum.  I have ordered the State Department to begin preparing for this eventuality so the work can begin promptly.

But the start, and success, of this work depends on the peaceful and orderly comportment of your mob WITHOUT violating the territorial integrity of the United States of America.

The United States is a humanitarian nation, sympathetic to genuine asylum seekers, but we are also a sovereign nation, a nation of LAWS.  Under my administration, we WILL NOT be compelled to admit ANYONE who attempts to enter our country by force.

I implore the organizers and leaders of this MOB to seriously consider what I have said today and take appropriate action to protect the lives of the innocent and observe and obey the laws of the nation you wish to enter.

Don’t mess with Texas and Don’t mess with the United States of America.

That is all.

One more note, Mr. President:

Having the 1st Brigade, 82nd Airborne Division make a daylight, tactical jump near the border for maximum visibility would be a nice touch.

cma